Say it isn’t so! Jar Jar Binks, Dark Lord of the Sith? Well, according to Darth Jar Jar it’s true. All of it.
Actually, the creator of this site, who originally posted his well-researched theory on Reddit, has been banking Bink bucks after the article went viral. Up went the new website, laden with ads, bells n’ whistles. But the fact remains, if you consider George Lucas’s introduction of Yoda as an innocent, harmless little green hermit…
…then it IS at least plausible the character of Binks was meant to go on to greater, darker things…
But he didn’t. Because fans hated him.
Do you like to read about conspiracies? You must, if you’re on this site! How about science fiction? Okay, then! So check out this excerpt from my mind-bending, genre-twerking, 4.5 star-rated speculative fiction novel, The Altered States of Hector Haveck:
#1. Drop what you’re doing and follow the remaining directions.
Gladly! He was sick of reading the Alice in Wonderland dossiers on the other agencies and contacts he would work with (one dossier, on Indrid Cold, was disconcerting. A special investigator, he was one of several unstable assets trolling the country to root out cases of UFO close encounters. Way the dossier read, the government wanted to spook its citizens by sending out freakish bullies like Cold, a half male, half female schizophrenic).
#2. Go to Brian’s Used Books, ID yourself as a good friend of the owner, and ask for a copy of Notes from Underground. They’ll have one on hold for you; it will say To My Good Friend inside the cover.
Great, he thought. More books!
But under the directions, Perrin had written: #3. DON’T READ THE BOOK!
#4 was to listen to the cassette tapes and practice the voice contained on them until he mastered it. Paris opened up his desk drawers; inside were a Sony cassette recorder, headphones, and a microphone. He took out the recorder, inserted the first cassette…of Lieutenant Commander Perrin reading The New York Times.
What’s all this then?
The fifth direction–open the envelope and use his mimicking power to practice long-term mimicry of the face in the photos. He opened the envelope; the photos were, of course, of the commander, facing forward, left, right. Shaven, unshaven. Smiling, frowning, looking thoughtful. Looking pensive.
He’s setting me up to be a doppelganger!